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Day 20…….

October 13, 2020

Boy the last week has been a bit of a struggle. But I made it!

I have been reading everything I can get my hands on about Alcoholism and Sobriety. I have found that they have been more of a trigger for me than helping… so I have stopped and started reading for pleasure again. I have joined lots of facebook groups as well but I am slowly weeding them out and only keeping the ones that I have found that helps.

Late last week I joined our local 24/7 gym, and yesterday I took the plunge and did my first workout. I needed something to distract me from my usual 3 pm acid hour. I am hoping that it will become part of my daily routine, for both a distraction and for my health. It has been a long time since I have done any sort of exercise.. I always joked that exercise is dangerous, you can hurt yourself you know LOL. But I am determined to get it done! I need it for both my mental health and my physical health as well.

I have also signed up to do a 12 month, self paced Horticulture course. I have always had a interest in gardening and have been thinking about studying for quite a while…. so I jumped right in and did it. I am looking for any distraction that I can find right now to keep me busy and focused on anything other that picking up again.

I did have a low point the other day and poured myself a drink, I then swore pretty hard at myself and poured it down the sink. I thought about how great I have been feeling without alcohol and how far I have come in just a few short weeks, and I also felt shame that I was weak and how would my friends and family feel if they knew I had caved. I poured the rest of the bottle of vodka (not even my drink of choice!) down the sink, and went outside to my garden.

I am so glad that I didn’t take that first sip. And I need to remember that feeling of being in charge next time I feel weak and hopeless.

Words I need to remember.

Until next time.

D xx

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