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A new beginning

December 3, 2020

It’s been 2 months since my last post. Those two months have been bloody hard. I’ve slipped back into my old ways…hard! I followed lots of blogs and Facebook groups which I’ve had to unfollow because the whole not drinking thing has totally consumed me. It’s all I think about, it’s doing my head in. As I’ve mentioned before, I suffer depression, and this road has sent me spiralling downwards, hard and fast. And straight back to picking up again.

I started going to AA, and even went to a Sobriety Sisters retreat. Which I loved, I had so many tears that weekend, I heard so many stories that were so like my own. It really helped me knowing I wasn’t the only one battling this horrible addiction.

I tried real hard with AA, I found myself a sponsor and did did the first step. That was the easy one, I wouldn’t have been there if I didn’t want help. In no way am I against this fellowship, it has worked for so many. My best friend is testament to that. But I can’t seem to get my head around the Higher Power process.

My husband and I recently watched a tv series on SBS called Addiction Australia. And I’ve decided to take a different path. I contacted Live Life Well, which is an addiction program that I can access locally. I had my first appointment with them yesterday. Telling your story is hard, and there were a few tears. I came out of the session with some tools to get me through the next week, and I see her again next week. I feel good about my path ahead.

My only downfall is the lack of support from my husband. He thinks that I should just be able to ‘snap’ out of my depression and my dependence on alcohol. I get why he gets upset with me, I’m a train wreck. The house is a mess, he doesn’t understand that I have no desire to do anything but just sit on the lounge or go to bed for the day. I get the jobs done that are a necessity like washing a cooking, but that is all.

I have made an appointment with my GP, who has been looking after my mental health for the last 20 years, to see what we can do medically to get me through this.

I have made a commitment to myself to try and journal everyday to both document my progress and to also shed some of my feelings that I’m having.

One day at a time

D x

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