life gets in the way

I said that I was going to post everday. But since I said that I was without internet. So not post. But I have been home for 24 hrs, and I have been thinking about what I what I would say

I have just spent the last 3 days on our boat with some good friends of ours. Our dinking friends. I struggled with that… struggled big time. Saturday lunch time was the hardest, they were all opening beers and I had a enormous craving for a drink. So much I was in tears. My husband made me a mocktail and that got me through. I was fine then.

Roll I’m until last night. The craving was overwhelming. Being home alone all day is my trigger. I tried to distract myself, using the strategies that my councillor and I spoke about, but I failed. I drove to town and bought a bottle of wine. I would usually buy 2, but I made myself to inky buy one. By dinner time I was fairly charged. And of course my husband noticed. Words were said and I put myself to bed in tears.

He doesn’t understand addiction, he thinks that I can just snap my fingers and it’s gone. He has been the same with my depression, he just doesn’t understand it. I don’t know how to explain it to him, I don’t understand it myself.

Today is a new day and I’ll be home alone. I will get through this. I have too.

One day at a time

D x